


Not As I Do

by Piinutbutter



Category: Final Fantasy XII
Genre: Age Difference, Guilt, Loyalty, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-07-28 11:08:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20063026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piinutbutter/pseuds/Piinutbutter
Summary: There are lines that a knight and his lord are never meant to cross. But as the new emperor, Larsa's style of rule allows for a bit of rule-breaking so long as no one gets hurt.





	Not As I Do

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Welsper](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Welsper/gifts).

> Set in a canon divergence where Gabranth lives and stays with Larsa as he goes about fixing Archadia's mess.

“I think you need a moment of rest, my lord.”

Larsa’s gaze didn’t move from the lengthy missive on his reading desk. “Alas,” he mumbled, his usual bold voice rendered thin with overuse. “I don’t have time to rest.”

Noah stepped around the desk and laid a hand on the young emperor’s shoulder. “You’ve been staring at the same page for nearly an hour. Resting your eyes for an hour would accomplish the same amount of work, and maybe then you’d actually get something done.”

“Ah.” Larsa looked up from the paper, his neck cracking at the movement. He had a tired smile on his face when he turned to his knight. “I’ve been caught. I suppose nothing gets past you, hm?”

Noah squeezed Larsa’s shoulder. A gesture far too familiar for one to inflict on the emperor of Archadia, and yet Larsa had never protested. “I am sworn to protect you. If that means I need to protect you from yourself, I shall.”

“There’s such a thing as being too dedicated to your job, you know,” Larsa said, but he stood and stretched. “You aren’t, however, wrong. A nap would do me good.”

Noah had only meant to suggest a walk around the palace grounds, or a small meal. The idea of Archadia’s most powerful man taking a _nap_ was a rude reminder of just how young Larsa still was. His age was no slight against him; Larsa was hard-working, fair, and if one asked Noah, the best ruler Archadia had ever seen, and likely would for some time. But the matter stood that His Imperial Highness was still more boy than man, and the weight of his position was crushing his shoulders.

“A nap is a fine idea,” Noah agreed.

They walked through the palace halls together. A frail Lord with the hope of thousands on his back, and a Judge who still didn't quite believe he belonged at that Lord's side. It wasn’t ideal, but Noah was happy to be able to stay with Larsa. Even if it meant having to see him stressed and exhausted.

Noah didn’t think twice when Larsa invited him into his quarters. An emperor had far more enemies than a prince who - if Noah was being truthful - half the empire had expected to be assassinated before he could take the throne proper. It made all the sense in the world for Larsa to have someone stand watch outside his bedroom door.

What made slightly less sense: Larsa pushing the door open and requesting that Noah join him in the bedroom.

Noah’s heart skipped a beat and he promptly hated himself. This was no time for the cruder side of him to misinterpret some innocent request. “Do...do you need assistance with something?”

“Yes? In a way.” Larsa rested a hand on the door frame. He hadn’t changed into sleeping clothes, but he’d removed his boots and undressed enough to be comfortable. Noah had decided long ago that Larsa looked better like this than when he was trussed up in heavy imperial regalia. The former looked like Larsa. The latter looked like a puppet.

Of course, it didn’t hurt that Noah was practically the only one who got to see the emperor in such a private state. Which was...something he shouldn’t be thinking about right now. Damn it.

“I’ve been having trouble sleeping, lately,” Larsa admitted. “I thought it might help. To have someone I trust in the room with me.”

That should have calmed Noah’s excitable heartbeat. Of course Larsa only wanted comfort and support; something Noah was all too happy to provide. On the other hand, hearing Larsa so blithely describe him as _someone he trusted_ \- as if it were the most obvious fact in the world - set his emotions flaring happily once again. Ridiculous. He was acting like a lovestruck youth.

Noah nodded. “Of course.”

Perhaps some of his silly inner turmoil had shown on his face, because Larsa looked troubled for a moment after he agreed. “Are you sure? It’s alright if you don’t wish to. It was presumptuous of me, actually, to-”

“No, no,” Noah interrupted, not even thinking of the breach of protocol that came with interrupting his lord. “It’s fine. I...” he almost said _I’d be happy to_, before realizing how unnervingly eager that would sound. “I’m here to serve you in whatever way you wish, Lord Larsa.”

The troubled pinch to Larsa’s eyes didn’t quite disappear, but he stepped aside and gestured for Noah to come in.

Larsa’s bedroom wasn’t as ornate as the average citizen might expect. The young emperor preferred clean, uncluttered spaces to work and live in. They helped him focus, he said. Noah picked up a chair from the corner desk and set it by Larsa’s bedside. He looked at his handiwork, paused, then scooted the chair a tad further away from the bed. Respectful distance had to be maintained here.

Larsa watched him from under the covers, amusement replacing confusion on his face. “I don’t bite, you know.”

“Oh. I didn’t mean...”

“I know. I was only teasing.” Larsa extended a hand towards him. “But, truly: Will you come closer?”

“Of course, my lord.” Noah moved so he was directly beside the bed.

That troubled look again. Even though Noah was doing exactly what Larsa had asked of him, it seemed as though Larsa wasn’t quite happy about it. Noah didn’t understand.

He had little time to dwell on it. His full attention was now diverted to the warm, soft sensation of Larsa’s fingers entwining with his own.

Noah just stared. He was too stunned to say anything, let alone move. He wasn’t sure which way he wanted to move: Closer, thrilled that Larsa would show him such affection? Or far, far away, fearful that he was crossing a line he should have never even approached?

“My lord, I...”

Larsa pulled their joined hands closer to himself, then pressed his cheek against the back of Noah’s hand. “You what?” he asked. There was a clear undercurrent of mirth in both his voice and his pale eyes.

_He knows._

Noah’s fight-or-flight response jolted through his body, telling him he was playing a dangerous game. The soft skin warming his knuckles was just as deadly as the biting steel of a sword.

He’d never meant for Larsa to know his feelings. This was wrong. He was wrong.

The spark of amusement faded from Larsa’s eyes. “You’re shaking,” he observed, slowly releasing Noah’s hand. Noah pulled it back to his side, fast enough that it probably looked like an insult.

“I’m sorry, my lord.” The apology was meant for much more than that minor social slight, though.

He couldn’t read Larsa’s expression at all. “No,” the emperor said, “I’m the one who is sorry. You...you should go now.”

There had been times in his life when Noah had been more eager to leave a room than he was now. This afternoon certainly ranked fairly high up, though.

* * *

After taking some time to cool his head, Noah was fairly sure he understood what had just happened. Larsa had noticed that Noah was getting overly familiar with him. He was uncomfortable with it - as he should be! What had Noah been thinking? Even putting aside the age difference, even putting aside who Larsa was and what Noah was (and wasn’t) to him...it was never going to happen. Noah had been a fool to so much as entertain the idea.

That scene in the bedroom...it must have been done to send a message. Larsa had been mocking him. As much as it hurt, Noah understood. He’d been pushing beyond his station, and Larsa had every right to put him in his place. The young lord had let him off easy, all things considered. He just as easily could have sent Noah away and replaced him with a proper knight who didn’t pine for his charge like a fool.

Noah’s judgment of the situation was only affirmed in the following days. Larsa was polite to him, but forged a distance between Noah and himself that he’d never put in place before. Larsa kept beginning a conversation, then changing his mind and telling Noah not to mind before going silent. And in the off hours when the two of them didn’t absolutely need to be in each other’s company, Larsa would take care to avoid his own knight. He’d never done so before.

A rotten mass of guilt and shame had crawled into Noah’s gut and made a home.

Noah let many long days pass before it became too much. He stopped Larsa on his way out of the drawing room and asked for a moment of his time. When Larsa granted it with a nod and a, “Naturally,” Noah went to one knee and bowed his head.

“Lord Larsa. I need...no, I feel the obligation to...no, let me rephrase: You _deserve_ a proper apology from me. I understand how much trouble I’ve caused you. I give you my gravest word that I won’t impress my own whims upon you any further. But please, I beg of you: Please let me back into your life. I can’t bear this any longer.”

Larsa was silent. When Noah dared to look up, the emperor was blinking in confusion.

“I...believe we may have a failure to communicate on our hands,” Larsa said finally. He licked his lips. “Let me explain. Stand, will you?”

Noah did.

“Now sit, please.”

An odd request, but one that Noah obeyed nonetheless.

Larsa tried to smile, but that now-familiar discomfort clouded the expression. “Never has an Archadian had a man more loyal and unquestioning than you. And therein lies the source of my misgivings.”

“...My loyalty? My loyalty disturbs you?”

“It complicates what is already - I think you’ll agree - a complicated relationship.” Larsa bit his lip and glanced around the room. A cursory check for any sudden company. “That afternoon, when I asked you to stay close to me. Answer me truthfully, no matter how you worry it may upset me: Did it upset you? Did I disturb you?”

There was so much Noah wanted to say. None of it was fit to answer that question, so he settled on, “Not at all, my lord. I would have been...happy, to spend time at your side.”

“Truly?”

“Truly.”

Larsa seemed to accept his answer. He crossed his arms, looking down at his knight. “You can stand up again, you know.”

“Ah.” Armor clinked as Noah climbed back to his feet.

“What I saw that afternoon did disturb me,” Larsa admitted, not quite meeting his eyes. “I thought I had misinterpreted your...intentions, towards me.”

“Please. Don’t say it like that, my lord.” _Intentions_ left a bitter taste in Noah’s mouth. It made him sound wicked.

“Your feelings, then. I had thought I was meeting those feelings with amity.” Larsa was speaking faster than usual. An old habit he’d picked up to prevent being interrupted at crucial points of political conversation. “But you seemed so uncomfortable being close to me. You were fearful when I touched your hand. It occurred to me that I could very well be taking advantage of you. Because you would never disobey an order from me.”

When Noah was too stunned to respond, Larsa continued, his voice softer. There was a hint of embarrassment in it.

“I didn’t want to abuse my position, nor your trust. You’ve done no ‘impressing of your whims’ upon me. I simply feared doing that exact thing to you.”

When Noah could finally reply, all that came out at first was, “Oh. My lord, I...have _so_ much I could tell you to alleviate that fear.”

“Then I’d be happy if you would start talking.” Larsa gave him a hopeful little smile. “That’s a request. Not an order.”

**Author's Note:**

> Alternate summary: Local 30+ year old hardened knight turns into a blushing insecure mess because senpai noticed him.


End file.
